"all writers are, to some extent, damaged people.
writing is our way of repairing ourselves." 

— j. anthony lukas

Bangkok, Thailand : Exploring with Dumb and Dumber

Whats up.

Tidak adil.

Now playing: Penakut - Yuna

I've decided. I'll let this go. I've been keeping this inside for so long, cooped up for almost 4 years now. I'm sorry, guys but this post is going to be a little emotional, so please, skip this post. Or stay.

I realised I had to do this when ann and i were listening to Penakut by Yuna last night, and she told me how much it relates to my 'situation (what we're going through)' since I told her about another song that related to hers. I told her, "what? I don't have one lah". She looked at me. "Yes you do". Still confused she broke down the lyrics for me. and "ohhh" was what i said after.

You.

I know it's wrong to keep thinking about things that have happened in the past but this, I can't ever forget. and that's really not okay. 

First, I hate the fact that you came back acting like nothing happened, after what happened in 2008. I was seriously on my own. My friends, his friends, they were all mad at me. and you? You just left, like you wanted no part of all the "drama". I really didn't know what to do. I really, just felt, abandoned, betrayed. I trusted you. 

I'll let you know, I did what i did because i thought it was the right thing. I never meant to make it as though it was a betrayal. She deserved to know the truth. and you, should've known me better that I don't do rash things unless I thought it necessary. 


Now, years have gone by. And I guess the way you chose to walk in and out of my life as you'd like gave me an epiphany. I got tired. I got tired of you taking advantage of the fact that i was always going to stick around. That you had a hold on me. 

There are so many things I'd like to say for the times we didn't agree on something and stuff. But it didn't matter cos what you thought was more important then, and my opinions were pushed aside. and because of that, self - expression became one of the hardest things for me till today. right now, all that i wanted to say, that i wanted to express, i'll let it go. 

I'm slowly forgetting your phone number which I could remember at the top of my head. I don't think about you as much anymore. and being perfectly honest, there was a point where I thought, I could've love you. But i was wrong. That was just me being naive. 

So don't ever come back. 
I don't expect you to stay anyway.
You're just really, somebody I used to know.